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"Hot flush, raging blush, quick start ignition."
Work in progress with some not so subtle nods to people in my life...
Expect a lot of editing and revising...T_T
You took a risk when walking into the girl's bathroom. There was the chance of getting slapped in the face with some less then pleasent smell(sewage, bad hygiene, or what some will deny up and down is not smoke). But of course there was the constant threat of getting pushed into the corner by a reigning bitch queen with no one to hear your screams but a dripping faucet. But I'm embelishing(I hope). Either way, lucky me, no one's in here.
No one but a flickering overhead light and my own reflection. Examining it, I found what I saw every day. A face, pretty but not so pretty, punctuated with the normal quota of pimples. Hair was kinda curlier than usual so I liked it for once. Then the eyes, just wipe away the puddle of walmart brand makeup and what ya know! There's actually a nice color to them. Now just straighten that rumpled tanktop and adjust the bra...All good to go! But my smile slowly creeped off. I guess I should get used to it, I'm not hot. Maybe kinda pretty on the right day but hardly smokin' fine kind of attractive. Smarter people would've stopped trying, but hey, call me an opptimist, just couldn't quite stop the act.
I trudged out of that bathroom, looking a little more put together than when I came in. I passed one of the Roberts sisters on my way to a lunch table. Flinching at the way her natural beauty actually hurt me. Hurt me cuz I could never match up to tan, skinny, and brunette. Hurt me cuz I didn't get that echo of staring as I trailed on past. Instead I got a cold shoulder and unconcerned glance as I took my place away from annoying, Bambi-walker freshmen and snobbish seniors. I popped in an earbud to forget my worries for a minute in a Theory of a Deadman song. I began silently lip syncing to it, not giving a damn about who saw my quiet rock show.
Then I got that feeling like I was being talked at. Opening one eye(when had I shut them again...oops), I looked up. Only to see Seth jammering on. What the hell was he saying... Oh right, earbud dammit!
"---And I thought maybe you'd like to hang for once...A lot of people," crap he finished just in time for me to pry my ipod out of my earhole.
"Uhh....Come again?" I cooed out. Seth's face pinched in annoyance. And now i'm losing my patience for him. "Oh come on just say it again."
Seth inhaled audibly. "Party this weekend. A lot of people. You're coming with...yes?"
Oh...a party....not that I didn't want to...but there were two big problems associated with this.
FIRST: There was no way I was going with Seth. Nice, talanted and funny as he was, there was no way to get around the hair nearly as long as mine and feminine face. Not to mention people already thought something was up with us. Bad enough I've never had a boyfriend, now the only one that people think I have a chance with isn't the most attractive. Still...the guy was basically my best friend.
BUT! and this is a very big but...
My right wing to the core republican "daddy". My father, who opposed everything sexual, everything drug and acohol related, everything not straight, american, and white. And especially anything that might disrupt the integrity of his 'pretty little girl'. Needless to say, my snarky attitude, dislike of blatant intolerance and often off the wall humor didn't sit well with 'daddy'. And the idea of me going to a high school party...and with a guy no less...That's an arguement in the makings...
"uh...sorry...doubt that's gonna happen..." I turned away, coldly. Yeah it was bitchy, but Seth liked a challenge, why not give it to him?
"NO. Not that tired old excuse or pretending you don't want to," despite him basically commanding me, he looked disappointed.
I looked up, flashed that cheshire cat smile and flat out told him, "Let it go."
Seth deflated. He regarded me a second longer then stalked off to join his troup of stoner guitar players. Another victory won, I sat back in my chair and willed the day go by a little faster. But it didn't. 11:15, 11:16, 11:17...god damn this clock is slow! With nothing else to do I people watched. The jock on jock bromances, girlish giggles and nerd lingo galore. All at my viewing pleasure. But there was one thing that easily caught my eye, another set of eyes, stormy blue and crisp, staring right back into my own brown. But even more spectacular, the guy those eyes were attached to. Blonde hair spiked, toned body just begging to burst out of a school t-shirt and face that could make Achilles(yeah I like greek mythology, nerd I know...) easily jealous. And it wasn't just a stare...it was like...a probing, searching look. The kind you give an abstract piece of art that you're not totally sure about. Was he honestly staring at me...
Then the bell broke the stirring silence, breaking my focus on this strangers odd gaze. I looked back and he was already leaving. What was that...that feeling...was I blushing...no doubt...Not every day you get a guy that fine staring at you that intensely...okay not in my everyday...
The day passed in a blur, one big monotonous blur, nothing awful nothing great...The bus ride was stuffy and loud as usual but even the smell of musty leather seats could make me stop thinking about that guy...I'm obsessed I know but I mean come on! That's the closest I've been to being checked out. I promised myself I'd stop once I figured out his name.
The bus stopped and I and the other munchikins clammered off, pushing and shoving to get home. God I need a car..so came the walk to my home 3 blocks away where I'd be greeted by an overzealous dog and a bark or two from my dad. Then off to the internet, to resume the secret double life I lead away from my parent's prying eyes.
Sure enough I step through the door and what do I hear, daddy from his throne. "You're late...We gave you that damn phone for a reason."
I stared at the ground, trying not to go ballistic on this old man and also to kick off my shoes. "The bus was running late..." I was disgusted by myself for being so whipped around him. There was that brave and uninhibited portion of Violet that was growling right back at him, but practical and scared Violet knew better and reined in the part.
"Yeah I'm sure...let me guess you were swappip' spit with a guy weren'tcha," he laughed at his own stupid joke in that weezing smoker voice I've grown to fear and despise.
I walked past lifelessly. "No dad..."
Dark Violet was screaming: "Hell yeah! Gave him a hummer too."
"Oh so it was a girl...you are one of them carpet munchers ain't ya.." His snarl was getting nastier.
I suppressed my rolled eyes,"No. I'm not dad."
Dark Violet was smirking, "Only if I've had something to drink first."
Dad shook his head, turned back to ESPN and took a sip of what I assumed wasn't his last Bud lite of the day. That was my cue to remain quiet and fall into the world I'd created online, where there's no angry fathers or annoying best friends. Instead I get two complete strangers who probably knew more about me then seth or anyone else did.
It was easier that way...more comforting...they never judged...never kept a secret from me or tried to black mail...just two strangers with a keyboard and time to spare...This world was easy...easy to talk to people...I was never alone...Comfort in a box.
And that's where I stayed. Till ten, I relished in my false reality and taking in the internet and all it's false glory. You could say I have no social life, I'd disagree and tell you I have plenty of friends, I just don't see them a lot. In all fairness...I wasn't lying.
Okay...so...maybe I'm a hypocrite and maybe I'm just stupid, but it was hard to turn back now when I'm sitting in the back of Seth's car on my way to the party I swore I wouldn't go to. I know I know...But a party's a party.
Maybe I should explain...
A few nights ago, on a whim I asked my mom if there was anyway in hell I could go. Seth was still badgering and all I could think to do was shut him up. Mom seemed to scrape her face away from the TV long enough for her to realize it was me talking. "mmmmmmmmmmmm....ask your father."
Fuck...Of course mom wouldn't dare make a decision with her loving husband's approval. No way was this going to go well...Practically trudging my own Green Mile, I cautiously opened dad's bedroom door and was immediately hit in the face with an aerial attack from a Marlboro. "Take it easy on the smoking daddy..."
He glanced up at me and apparently I always have that needy, wanting look cuz the first question out of his mouth was, "Whaddya want?"
Oh how you know me so well... "um...well there's a party coming up on the weeken-"
Damn he was quick. "Uh...well a few..." Why didn't I lie, why didn't I just fucking lie?! I am whipped...
"Fuck no," he turned his back to me.
Any other time I would've taken that as a hint to leave but no...now Dark Violet wanted to party. Whether Daddy-kins liked it or not. "Oh come on, you act like all guys are out to get me!"
He turned around again, a new dangerous glint in his eyes. "Excuse me? But you don't know how those little fuckers think Violet. I was a teenage boy once too!"
"Oh for pete's sake I'm not that hot an item! You think they're gonna target me when we got Anorexia McSkinnyslut strutting around?"
Okay, that one was my bad. Dad stood up, even after so many years he still towered over me. "You sure as hell ain't goin with that kind of attitude! Gotta throw a bitch fit everytime you don't get your way?!"
"Maybe if I got my way for once in my life I wouldn't throw a 'bitch fit'!"
His palm was rough on my cheek, slamming in against teeth and gum. A nice bitch slap in all respects, I might have appreciated it if it hadn't been my face he took for a test drive. Even he seemed stunned by it. But not enough. "Go to your room....NOW!"
I scrambled out,hiding in my room for the rest of the night with baby pink cheek. The next morning he treated as if nothing had happened and ignored the slight swelling of my face. But unfortunately Seth didn't. Angrily he swore he was gonna get my father, rattled on and on about knowing a guy who knows a guy. I told him instead of hiring a hitman for me, that he help me sneak to the party.
That's how I ended up lying to my parents, telling them I was headed to a girl friend's house and how Seth managed to sneak me into a back yard where some ass was doing a keg stand and one girl had managed to lose her top despite it being only.....9.
Yep...the eloquence of small town parties.
It wasn't all bad, some good eye candy, a few people I could stand to talk to, and a bottomless pool of beer.
And all the oggling from Seth I could handle...
I'd look away for a few seconds, only to find him drinking in the hot pink top I was wearing when my gaze returned. It was freakish having your best friend check you out, let alone the fact that I knew how his brain worked and could more than acqurately predict what he had in mind.
So I dodged him and his questionable intentions and found a corner with my name on it. Only problem was the full on make out session going on beside me. Dear god was that a piercing or the chick's braces...ew. Okay I need to get out of here...This was a bad idea from the start. I headed to the back gate, prepared to suffer the number of stares I'd get from cars passing by on the bridge. Gripping the gate handle, I tried to leave, but there was something obstructing the way. I pushed harder until it gave way, revealing some dick leaning against it.
Oh wait...not just any dick...
Tall, blonde and stormy eyed was snarling at me, a cigarette cinched between....two..pouting, perfect lips...Fuck! Stop staring like that! Hey not my fault he's that damn fine...
Anyways, nameless chose to let me through, only to resume his post the minute I passed. His snarl had slowly dissolved, but there was still that hardness to his eyes as he observed me. As tempting as it was to sit there awhile and stare back, I needed to get the hell away from this party. I hugged my elbows and started my treck home.
"What's a matter...party too good for princess?" hottie's voice snarked behind me.
In a parallel universe, where every meaningful event had theme music, that old cowboy duel whistle was playing right then. I turned slowly to him, ready for a sparing match.
"I could ask you the same thing Blondie."
"Ohhhhh, blonde jokes from a blonde," he jerked his cigarette at my dirty blonde curls and smirked. A very seductive-whether-he-meant-it-to-or-not smirk.
"Hey, I pulled it off didn't I?" okay no way was this happening. I was having a conversation with a hot guy...and not losing! Hell yes! Speech class pays off!
Hottie's eyes narrowed slightly, "I suppose you did, princess..."
I smirked back at him, not a seductive one or anything, more like I'm-currently-resisting-the-urge-to-bite-your-head-off-and-loosing smirk. "I prefer Violet actually."
His smirk changed as he flicked his cigarette down on the ground, only I couldn't define it. "Violet...I like it."
I blinked in surprise. He's a major flirt...that's all. "I'd say the same, but I don't even know your name."
"That's right...You don't know a lot about me...and I don't know a lot about you," he started to saunter forward. "Maybe we could get to know each other better." He was close enough I could smell the mixture of nicotine and Axe on him. Intoxicating...but unnerving to have him staring at me like that...this close.
"Alright," I responded cooly and leaned up closer to his face, almost defiantly. "What's your favorite color?"
Okay where was this version of Violet when I needed her before? The hottie backed away a step to clear the narrowing distance between our chests. "Blue...And my name's Westly."
I snorted loudly. And yes, it was meant to offend. "Oh my darling Westly?"
Westly's face flushed just a shade brighter in the dim light, but he recovered. "If only I could get you to say that while on your back."
"Oh ho! Very clever," My trademark smirk returned.
"I thought so. And you know, I think you're the first girl to give me guff about my name."
"I find that hard to believe, then again most probably have their mouths full, right?" Where the hell did that come from...but come on, no way is this guy not a veteran.
"Oh ouch," his smirk widened. "And yes, they usually have a hard time talking around me. Must be my thick-"
"ENOUGH!" I crossed my arms. "Not interested in hearing about your little friend, so keep it in your pants or some other girls mouth."
He laughed. A nice laugh, genuine laugh. It was contagious too, I found myself kinda sorta giggling. And I never giggle. What the hell is wrong with me?!
"Fair enough...So Miss Violet...What can I do to shut you up?" he stepped closer, and I back up, but he kept advancing. And he did so until my back was pressing against the dirty shell of the house. Danger Will Robinson, danger...
This...was new. Be backed into a corner by very attractive guy who seemed to have one agenda. Here's the question. Do you follow through with his little plan. Give in just cuz he looks at you that way. Brain said no.
My eyes screamed; YES YES!
or they must have in his mind. He leaned in, hands planted on the wall just above my head, eyes half closed and lips parted. My face was blushing vividedly, knees buckling beneath me and we hadn't even kissed yet!
A centimeter away from first base, a breath away from losing control and letting a guy I just met take away something I orginally thought I had rule over. Damn, was I wrong...but god help me I wasn't going to resist.
Hey, why not let your first kiss be with a slamming hottie, who knows it could be your last.
Me and Westly both pushed away simaltaneously. Seth stood at the gate, his half ass glare breaking through my hazed over senses. "Seth..uh..."
Seth didn't say a word, just motioned for me to follow him back into the fray. I glanced between him and Westly, who was looking more than pissed, more like he might break more than Seth's attitude. I tried to communicate my apologies to him with a parting glance as I reluctantly followed Seth back to his car and climbed in.
He was silent the entire call ride. Felt more like a drive with my dad than anything. He stopped a block away from my house and and reached over to open my door. "Go."
"What's your problem?" I asked defiantly.
"You stay away from that guy."
"Or what you'll ground me?!"
"Or you'll get hurt!" he gripped the steering wheel harder. I did that dumbfounded blink again and felt like an idiot for snapping at him. Seth just stared at the dirty floor of his car, looking utterly pathetic. "You deserve better than that..."
Dammit...Seth always knew how to make me look like the biggest bitch on earth. I hesitated before getting out of the car and shutting it quietly. I started trudging up the hill just as Seth peeled out in his car and sped off.
Maybe he was right. A guy like that meant trouble, but nothing had happened...granted things would've happened if he hadn't shown up. Stupid Seth...my older brother, friend and stalker all mixed into one hippie guitar player.
Monday was gonna be fun...
I squeaked and dropped the bottle of milk in my hand. Westly had snuck up on me from behind and was(looking as handsome as ever) wearing his trademark half smile. "Someone's jumpy today."
"Someone, doesn't appreciate being stalked, Farmboy," I growled out as I bent to pick up my milk on the floor.
"Ouch...and I'm not stalking," he pouted a little...Dammit! Don't do that to me! "I prefer to call it, selective and observant watching."
"I call it creepy," I pushed past him and paid for my lunch, the old bird above the register looking pleasant as ever. Even as I left the cafe and walked to a table I could feel him walking closely behind. I turned on him suddenly, flinching ever slightly as he bumped into me. "Don't you have a table of friends to retreat to?"
"Who's retreating? And I would prefer to sit somewhere a little less crowded," without giving me a second glance, he sat down at my usual spot. I wordlessly sat across, playing with the cap on my bottle, only looking up when I couldn't take the feeling of him watching me anymore.
"Why are you sitting here?" I met his eyes for the first time since I'd seen him across the room.
"Why not sit here?" he shrugged.
"You have friends, and I'm starting to get pissed at the brunette freshman over there glaring at me," he followed my gaze, a girl that looked more like she was in elementary school was waving at Westly coyly...and subsequently giving me the finger the minute he turned back to me.
"Chill, she's just some tag along...She'd go after Shane too if he was already with Ang," he tucked his hands behind his head and looked at me evenly. "You don't want me to sit here do you?"
"I didn't say that now did I," I grumbled before taking and angry swig from my milk. "Just don't get why Mr. Popular's hangin around me."
"Cuz I want to..."
"There's more to it than that..." my eyes grew harder.
"Maybe I just wanna finish what your cock block of a friend ruined," another wiley smirk.
I rested my chin in my palm. "And maybe I won't give it to you."
"A girl with morals, huh?"
"Anticipation makes it more fun," I returned that smirk.
"For you or for me?"
"Guess we'll both have to wait to find out," this weird persona...the one I'd developed in a split second at the party was easier to step into than I'd thought. Maybe this was how I truly was on the inside...or maybe I'm bipolar.
Westly's eyes narrowed as he gave me the once over. No doubt thinking about whether I was worth it or not. "I think I like that."
10 point to me. "I think I like you."
"Maybe I like you too."
I smiled at him, a victory smile. I had just successfully flirted with a guy for the second time...Hell yeah! The bell interrupted what had been a rather lovely moment. Westly's face pinched in annoyance as I rose out of my seat. He sat there, looking sexy and disappointed. My eyebrow rose in question. "Not going to class?"
He smiled shyly. "What class." He stood only to head toward the front door. Out of the building. Leaning against the wall waiting for him was Rickie, player and peddler. Most of the girls thought he was cute and he seemed to change girlfriends twice a week, but most were too coked up to know the difference between lust and love. I could only guess what Westly would want with a pusher like that. I only wish my guess wasn't so accurate...
They left together and headed to the same car. In this white trash town I could probably pick out a few meth labs, and pot ran abundent around the student body. Westly dabbling in drugs... This shouldn't surprise me, and it didn't. But I didn't want it to be true. Seth's warning from a few nights ago to stay away from him was ringing in my ears for the rest of the day...damn that hippie.
Days passed, nothing from Westly, a lot from Seth and too much from dad.
Dad finally got a job. Its great; more money in the weekly budget, less drinking(during the week), and he might cheer up. My father was ass backwards like that. One of the few people that kind of enjoyed working. Without anything to do, Dad gets irratable and hard to even be in the same house with. But now he's so nervous he drank even more, more drinking more shouting. Probably have a killer hangover when he starts Monday.
Seth and his band had finally landed a gig. He was so giddy he forgot about the party a week ago. He wants me to go, said I would, probably won't.
Haven't seen Westly since our last little encounter at the lunch table. Why was I even concerned, tons of kids left for days at a time. I didn't even really know the guy...was I crushing? It seemed unlikely. I hadn't crushed since the 1st grade, and that had been on this stuck up toe-headed little boy who shoved me off the monkey bars. I absent mindedly wondered if Westly had been that kind of kid when he was younger. It was possible...He was a year older than me, so until high school his kind had been taboo to us. Until the party I hadn't even known his name...It was a really nice name once you got the past the cheesiness to it. I said it outloud a few times. It kind of had a sexy ting to it. They kind of name you'd give the Fabio character in a romance novel. Jesus, what is my problem?!
I pushed thoughts of Westly out of my mind and concentrated on cleaning my used art brushes. I had splatters of paint on my hands but I didn't bother washing them off. I liked the look of the multi colored dots scattered across my knuckles, made me look mildly interesting. That was when I noticed the clock, it was past 3:06...I had successfully missed the bus. Shit...Now I gotta walk.
Angrily I trudged over the bridge, highway buzzing beneath me. Thoughts of jumping off appeared in my head. I would never do it though, suicide wasn't for me. I loved my pain too much to end it all(melodramatic prose!). It was merely intrusive thoughts, I tried to convince to myself. But...I'll leave suicide as a last resort for when life's really fucking me up the ass...
I had begun to regret wearing my favorite black jacket today. The sun was frying the tar beneath my shoes, felt I might soon follow. My legs were already feeling heavy, and had my backpack gained a few books since I left school...fuck I'm weak.
Then over the hill, came my farmboy on a white horse(Toyota pickup truck, same thing). Westly pulled up on the side of the road and swung open the passenger door. "Come on!" he called from the cab. It was so tempting, air conditioning and hottie one seat over. But... But what? Its just a drive home.
Hesitantly I climbed in beside him and slammed the door closed. And there he was, just like I remembered, maybe a little tired looking.